Struggling

I'm struggling. Struggling with myself. I have to stop judging myself. I have to start seeing the bright side. I have to stop being over critical. I have to stop telling myself tht Im fat and ugly. Eventhough I am. It's eating me up. Slowly. and I can't stand it anymore. This is too public for me to tell my problems, but I need to let it out. I need to stop being scared. I need to face my fears. I've got my top therapists, which are my friends but even they can't help me with this. Only I can help myself but I can't seem to do that. Im not comfortable with myself. And I need professional help. I really do. I don't know how to handle this anymore. I can't lie to my friends everyday. I can't lie to myself too. I don't include lying to my family bcause they don't seem to care tht much. I guess they're busy, I don't blame them. They have their own problems and I can't even help them with theirs. I don't need to include them in my problems. Can't believe I cried in class just now. Not trying to attract anyone's sympathy. I just can't believe im that weak. Because that's just not me. But I guess everyone is vulnerable. I don't know what to think about anymore. I just can't do this anymore.