Changes

Things have been da bomb, i think. I don't know why i've turned into such a serious person, i mean i know i am, but lately, i've really been stressing on it. Between Iman and Ashiqin, im so serious and it's so weird because before this i've been the one that's like making the jokes and smiling all the time. But now it's like, after classes je, im like doing this serious face, andd then it takes time for me to heal back to my normal self. If i wanna say tht im stressed out, no im not, if u wanna say that im having grudges on people or something, i dont think so. I don't easily hate people. I have think of at least 10 reasons to hate a person. And so if i hate a person, u cn ask me those 10 reasons, i'd be happy to explain.
I think im in love with my studies, i've been loving addmath so much that i dont bother to crack up a joke or laugh like no one's business :( I was in class doing my addmath, i was doing logarithms, my fav <3, and then pn gan was checking on all the students, so u know i was still continuing my work and then when i answered the last question of question 6, and then when i sit up straight, i saw pn gan in front of my table, she was so close, and she was checking my work, i was having a heart attack but i didnt wanna show it la, haha very embarassing. I didnt even felt her aura or somekind of a vibe tht she was coming to me, i didnt hear anything, i didnt feel anything, I just feel like im in a blank room with my pen and pencils and my addmath book and doing it like im in my own world. It was like this work i concentrated too much on. It's like i give all my heart to it. No sound, no other walls, except for tht white room.
From that moment, I knew i was in love with addmath. Sounds so weird, but its something i can believe.


Well yeah i dont know why but i felt like theres a change in things, like me not being myself, even my friends are not being who they are. I mean theyre my bestfriends, theyre still them and i love them so much! Cant doubt that. But especially ashiqin, she's been so different, its like its not her O.O
Well now she dares to slap me for a lot of times and she bumps into me like so strongly.
She dares to hit me and all. And like i dont know all those harsh things and sometimes she does it at the wrong timing coz lately i havent been in a good mood. But its not because of my mood, i know tht, its just that, i dont feel respected. And it offends me. Like what did i do? I've been quiet thats all, and is tht even wrong.
And then she cuts in when i speak, and when i speak about something, its like its not even important to her, and when i tell her my problems, shes like u know, keep herself shut and talk about something else. No offence, and im sorry i dont have the guts to tell u this myself. But i know how u'll respond, u'll do that static pokerface of urs. And i just miss the old times where u cn just make stupid jokes without hitting me and stuff.
Because when everytime i tell u tht it hurts and all, u make a joke out of it, and when i tell u dont do tht its rude, u'll do it again and change topics. And i dont know other ways to confront u, coz u dont take what i say seriously and i gave up. I guess thts why i havent been tht much of a bubbly person. Im just afraid tht theres change and i wont like it.
But u know, ur my bestfriend and i have to deal with the change, and no matter how annoyed i am with you, or no matter how hard u hit me in the face, ur still my bestfriend and i wont just fight with u about me getting hit by u and u being like that. Sometimes i'll just have to sacrifice my feelings. Because thts what we do for our bestfriends, and i admit tht i always change my bestfriends, but thts just how i deal with change. And im not gonna do it with ashiqin.
So, this is my first challenge. I have to try dealing with it.
I have to find the strength. Because I love her <3