3.00am

So it's new years eve! The last day for the year of 2011, a loooong loong year. The exam year. The stressful year. The year that has taught me a lot of things that the years before did not. A year full of tears & happiness. A year full of shocking things. A year full of hugs. A year full of cherish. A year where the friendship bond got strengthen between me and my friends.

Alhamdulillah. I don't know how to put everything in words. But whatever that happened, really did made an impact on me. It made me stronger. I know this year im not really a good person, i mistreat a lot of people. And I always assume the negative things. I followed my ego, i was stubborn, i was ignorant, i did not put a lot of effort to be grateful. Im sorry. Im sorry Allah, im sorry parents, and im sorry friends. But most of all, im sorry myself. Im sorry I never loved myself the way that I was supposed to. Im sorry if i have ever offended any of my friends. I know I did, im sorry for all of the imperfections I have. I do not want to be arrogant, I do not want to be angry, I do not want to be envious, I do not want to be proud. I know what I am, I know who I am. And I think i've been judging myself much more than I have judge others. I was not supposed to do all those things, not to my friends. The friends that stood by me when I needed them, the friends that lend me their shoulders, the friends that will always give me a hug if i need it, the friends that will always slap me in the face if i was ever asleep and blind. I am sorry if i was ever disrespectful to any of you. Im sorry if i was stubborn to my parents. Im sorry that I always put my deaf ears on. It's selective hearing and I know i shuldnt do that to my parents. To be honest, there are a lot of things that i'd like to say to my friends. Things that I am not satisfied about. Things that I wish they could see. Things that I wish they could change.

We all know it's always hard for me to stand up to myself. I might look tough to some of you but deep inside im just scared and lost, and weak. Compared to my friends who are confident, proud, intelligent, and knowledgeable. Sometimes it's hard for me to catch up. I feel like im the turtle and they're all rabbits.

But I just can't afford to lose them, so i am gonna tolerate this situation. Because I love them. Despite our differences.

Kit Kat

This little kitten has been sleeping with me for the past few months. And I love him! JUST ONE THO; he biiiites. Like reaaally bite. It's like a habit, he'll get this frenzy and he'll just jump and bite whatever that's moving. He even bites my cheek! And to just stop him, sometimes i would cover his body with the cushion to make him relax. Not tightly against him, if not he wouldnt have the chance to breathe. Haha obviously. But he's like my bestfriend now. I mean he's a really smart kitten, everytime im awake, he would just jump over me and sometimes lick my face to say goodmorning! If im awake, he is too! and if i tell him tht its bedtime, literally tell him, he'll know. I'd switch off the lights, and he would just lay down beside me and slowly closing his eyes. Im saying this generally cats are smart and cute creatures. They're kind too! I don't get why some people are scared and disgusted by them. They do bite and scratch, but tht's typical habits. Sometimes its their way of showing their love. And sometimes its just them being defensive. They can sense the bad vibe coming from people. That's why they react that way. This is a random post, about kit kat. Since it's rainy and gloomy, kit kat is taking a short nap now.

Sprinkle Bakes!

Yohoo, again... haha. A few days ago, I found this blog. This girl is so passionate about desserts that her research was precise and her creativity just clicks with her intelligance. She even admires Julia Child! Tho, im not really into baking bcause most of it involves it bt I love her idea of "desserts".

Edible spoon with Peanut Butter Mousse!

Source: http://www.sprinklebakes.com/2010/03/peanut-butter-mousse-in-tuile-cookie.html?showComment=1267709159637_AIe9_BHPX82brTblyiOrQI4VRscIttN3HdM3Blm1iVMiXEuURgPmwI43_M2cBLRLXSil_Hx9YiIP67qaE_SBKXX1QeivE1SzDqyxi6mkzas90QUYiUjjUja9rG3vynlltxoN4SBLT7f156Uh7SBkTnZBugM54UMe54xshGq5W_OS3jPc7HJotx-BpMf1vTmQn1JXr3VVpHk1G4fLa3gWrMP7W3rk-IZ9D6hnr7EXGx4qrhD_G5WBDmH_7p3sSl_LCwp6NGr17gSD#c7922164400285806914

Raindough

Was visiting curves ampang web at fb, thinking of joining next week :) And i saw this photo curves posted at the fb wall. A photo of pretty cupcakes! And i opened the website where they ordered it which is; www.raindough.com.my. And i saw such creative cakes! Such as; rainbow cake, mrs reese, choko nilla, the o.c, red velvet, teasers maltesers, cookie monsters. Dont they alrdy sound cute? :)

FROM GYM TO DELICIOUS SWEET CAKES. how can tht happen? :P

Was thinking of ordering one for a gathering bbq party my friends and I are going to have!

Admiring the Bilson

I feel like crying, i love her style :')

Day/Night Beach

Day/Night Beach by ezleennatasha featuring a pleated skirt

Roberto Cavalli draped top
$695 - net-a-porter.com

Kimono top
$90 - witchery.com.au

The Row scoop neck shirt
€169 - jades24.com

Dorothy Perkins pleated skirt
$44 - dorothyperkins.com

Roberto Cavalli floral skirt
$1,159 - mytheresa.com

T KEES flip flop shoes
$55 - calypsostbarth.com

Valentino flip flop shoes
€133 - lindestore.com

Buy Sue Fenlon- Beach Blossoms Framed Print, 69 x 69cm online at...
£100 - johnlewis.com

Polyvore 1#

Perfection is Simplicity by ezleennatasha featuring long maxi dresses

Day/Night Beach by ezleennatasha featuring flip flop shoes

I was bored after the deep conversation Nicole and I had. So i tried playing polyvore. I was just wondering wht I culd wear with blazers, so i mismatch a little bit. And thought of what the type of thing I WOULD wear.

Emo kicking in

Fortunate enough to have Nicole at this hour. I wish she was here. I wish all of them were here.

After hving this emo conversation with nicole, I found a word that could conclude the description of bond my friends and I had, and the word is sincerity.

I miss her

23rd december - Birthday of my dearest nahra yasmin.

HAHA THE PIC OF US WHEN WE WERE FORM 4!

our face so mentah, cheh not mature yet :P Happy birthday my dearest! Im glad youve finally turned 17, but most of all, im glad your mother gave birth to such a wonderful person. A person with a big heart. A person I know I can always count on. We've had our bad moments, we've been dissapointed with each other. We've had our silent treatment moments too. That I can't deny. We've lashed out on each other pretty often. But when we've fallen, knocked down by life. And we can't find the strength to stand up again. We always find each other again. You had my shoulder to lean on and I had yours. I had your attention and you had mine. We had each others back. I feel like crying. I miss you.

I can't believe we're not classmates anymore, i can't believe i won't get to see yr blur face in the morning everytime there's school. I don't wanna sound corny. I don't wanna sound emo. But i think i alrdy did tht. I don't cry over petty things. But i cry over the strongest bond of friendship tht we had.

I mean, come on, nahra, u've just turned 17. Time is moving so fast. It seems like we were just in high school yesterday. And now look at us, talking to each other on the internet.

I miss the fact tht everytime i turn to you, you drop yr pencils and pens and just fully listen to me. Everytime i felt like crying, u always know wht to say or wht to do. I never questioned or doubted you in making me feel better. You always knew how to make me feel okay. And now it's not in high school yet, i can't annoy you anymore.

I miss your random unreasonable statements tht makes me pissed off with you. I miss you stealing my stationeries when i dont see it. I miss you pulling my plate at the canteen table everytime my eyes escaped from the plate. I miss you just lining up with me and act all deaf bcause yr blur. I miss my TED. i miss bullying you, i miss you telling me tht u suck in cooking and tht u burn things. I MISS YOU. And a few minutes ago, when you said goodbye to our conversation. Saying tht u miss me. I felt it. It hit me. Real hard. AND WITH THE NOT HELPING CHRISTINA PERRI EMO SONG, i cried reading it. Realizing tht i miss you too.

I hope you will always be my best friend. As childish as tht sounds, I promise you, you will always be someone tht I care about. We might grow apart, but you'll always be tht permanent memory in my mind.

SICKKK

yeaaah so ive been sick for a few days now. I can't believe it myself, i mean i thot ive got a strong anti body :( and tmrrw im going to johor in the morning by train with my mom and sisters, cz my dad is coming back late since he has work. And i need to help my aunt with her wedding favors and stuff, since im her partial wedding planner! Im glad my dad booked rooms where i cn actually lay down and all in a private room and not share any space with strangers. But i dont know if i can even go thru this, i know its just a fever, what a spoilt brad tasha :P But this time its rlly killing me, my nose is blocked, my eyes are red, my throat is feeling scratchy, and im deaf. Oh wait im alrdy deaf. HAHA. im kidding... Anyways, i havent pack my bags, and i need to make a list for that. I need to just get up and make one, :(

Ya Allah, give me strength. Amin.

Shopping

Hehe, went shopping a few days ago. And I liiike my new clothes! Actually I feel like buying a blazer, buttt am I gonna wear it? What am I gonna wear it with? Blouse, dress, t-shirts? Yes bt I'm broad shouldered, I'm scared the blazer will make me look like a robot :/

Crave

Im obsessed with this meaningful song
as
It touches my soul everytime.

Makes me miss my friends, everyone's not gonna be in kl. I can't wait for all of us to spend time with each other again. And high school is over, we won't get to see each other everyday anymore. Time flies by so fast.
P/s: Nicole, im waiting for a miracle too.

CHECKLIST!

haha havent been blogging and all since im busyy resting and going out with my family. Went out yesterday to find Ezza's boots for the winter since she's going to US during tht season. Which is in a few weeks. CAN'T WAIT TO REDECORATE MY ROOM WHEN SHE'S GONE. ha har!

Oh yeah and when I was walking with my dad, my mom came up and said heyy we didnt buy any brdy present for u did we? Then i was like ....... no. I JUST REMEMBERED I DIDNT GET ANYTHING FROM THEM. i think.... well yesterday was eimaan's brdy. so they immediately thought of wht i havent got? so they asked me wht i wnted. And i said I want..... Julia Child cookbook, both volumes, which costs arnd 200 plus. And then my dad laughed -.-" So we kept walking and walking, and i remembered something tht i rlly wanted for a long time. And i immediately said "CRABTREE AND EVELYN" YESS FINALLY! now i knw wht i wnt. And i NEVER had the guts to enter the shop bcause it was so expensiveeeeee, i culdnt say it was affordable bcause it rlly wasnt :/ a small hand cream costs around 43 bucks and a lotion mostly costs 100 bucks plus.
And i have been searching for this lotion tht prince hotel gave from crabtree and evelyn and it just felt so refreshing, sooo when i was in the store, i tried almost all the testers to see which one was the smell cz i forgot the flavour. then i tried the "jojoba oil" lotion, AND I FOUND ITTT. I was go glaaad, Ive been searching it since last year! So my dad got me the jojoba body lotion and since i also fancy the pomegranate smell, he bought me the pomegranate hand therapy cream. THANKS PAPA! :D

Oh yeah lots of plans after spm, i just didnt start on anything yet. I still wanna rest and all, i feel so tired!
Well theres, cooking classes, driving license, gym, shopping and planning for my bbq party, and my aunts and cuz's wedding, anddddd my sis's brdy party and my eldest sis's going away party! AAAH lots to plan and I still havent done my movie marathon, :) Im taking a break from cooking, i wanna fill my recipe book first with all the recipes, and maybe today if i hv the time and energy, i'll try to do the fortune cookies :)

Awkward

That awkward moment when yr dad asked you if you have any boyfriend or not and you don't have any, you don't even hv anyone you fancy, you don't even have anyone to think abt, and you don't know whether to answer yr dad seriously or in a funny way bcause its funny tht he's asking you at the time where u dont like anyone. And u laughed answering his question, and he thinks differently. HAIYER. Spm also havent finish.

Replaced

I was going thru some websites, about volunteer work. Since my sister ezza went to this Tasputra place, a place where they take care of disabled children and all. And i was trying to remember who replaced my post as community service director in interact club fr next year. Maybe I culd recommend this place to my junior. I mean I know im not a comm serv director anymore but its something tht I can still do. When I was the comm serv director in my club, everything was hectic, the schedule too. Since I was dealing with spm and all, and I only planned a visit to the old folk's home beside my school, cbn. Well, we've been there twice, and I felt guilty tht i culdnt bring them somewhere different. But we still had fun and it was a good experience to me. To put my myself in their shoes. To see them laugh and be all joyful like they never doubt why they were choosen to be there. The one thing tht i'll always remember is when they asked me to pray. Never stop praying, no matter to which god I pray to. Just keep praying and never lose faith. Put extra effort to pray, to believe in god.

Polar Bear

Anyways, I was going thru some photos from my twitter account. The photos i tweeted when i got admitted into the hosp. I MISS THE HOSP! Everyone was suddenly nice to me and no one cn make me stress :D (the advice from doctor) Mehehe.


Remember this ASH? I dont know if im the one looking sick, or her :P

This is Umar sleeping on my mom's extra bed when he was waiting for me at the hosp with my sisters.

And this is my sisters, Ezza & Eimaan playing with MY BED, while i SAT ON THE SOFA -.-" Who's sick nw?

The red velvet cake, Umar bought for me! And the teddy bear tht Ash gave me, I named it Bronks bcause I was having bronchitis !

My sister made me this badge for me using her badge maker tht she bought from toys r us, printed the picture of a polar bear and wrote "IM BI-POLAR" below the pic. I mean i guess it is kinda of a fact, tht im bipolar :P My mom was like, "why would you expose yrself to people? I mean this way? Why do u wanna show it?" Well actually im not only bipolar, i have another disorder, buuuut, thts something u don't hv to know abt :D Im quite a freak, believe it or not. That's why i hv a rlly small circle of friends. They accept me for who I am. And it's hard to find friends tht cn accept you with a maniac personality.

Different

Just now after I performed my maghrib prayers, kit kat, my kitten was playing in the room, she was jumping here, jumping there. Trying to pull my telekung and all. Then when I was reciting my al-Quran, my kitten looked at me differently. She immediately stop jumping, and she just stood in front of me and looked at me as if she was gonna cry. Kit kat's ears were teary, and it wasn't my imagination, I felt something when she stared at me. So she hopped on my lap and hugged my hand. It was one of a kind moment. Never been thru it bfr. Nways, Salam maal hijrah to all the Muslims :)

Long phone call

After a few months of burying my phone, and neglecting it. I felt like it was importnt for me to finally switch it on, so I did yesterday. It took a few hours to finally recharge my phone. And i got tons of miscalls and text msgs. Shockingly, I thought no one cared abt me :( But i mean i barely use my phone, with all the twitter account, and fb. I keep my friends close thru those sites. And im always at home, so why on the phone? Well the reason why im posting abt a long phone call is bcause i just had one :P with my bestfriend, Ash! Haha we're such babies :P We talked about Jimmy Neutron. and about patrick star. Im kidding... i think. We talked about spm, what we're going to do after tht, when we're gonna start taking our driver's license and how we're gonna spend our new years. And plan a bbq with our girlfriends. I think my life revolves around my family and my girlfriends. They're like the main characters in my life. I don't even have any minor ones.


Ash cant trust me with cars esp when im a paranoid freak. I don't like cars speeding, it's just so scary. I mean you might just get into an accident, and u might just get hurt, and then by tht time, u'll regret doing wht u did, and u'll say i wish i didnt do tht, i wish i had more time with the people tht i love and blablabla. Something irreversible. I don't wanna regret it. But then, how am I going to drive a car? I mean drivers these days, they're all speeding! no actually some of them are nt, bt i think its too fast for me :/ I have to get myself a person who knows how to drive! Not as a driver, but as a teacher? Maybe. I don't know, I HAVE TO OVERCOME THIS.

Tinglish

Felt something different the first time I ......

Superstar

Im not yr personal cheerleader and you're not the superstar. Stop treating me like im your motivational robot. We've known each other since we were 15, since you were lame, pathetic, playful, immature and you. Now tht yr life has revolved around different people, different surroundings. You act like im always the back up. I can be here when you need me, but only when you treat me like im your friend. I can just walk away from you. It's not like i get paid, but im doing this sincerely bcause i know who you were. And i know people change, but i can adapt to the change if you would just stop treating me like im yr cheerleader. Treat me with respect. You know me, im very practical. So don't think i can't walk away from this attitude of yours.

Quote of the day

The defects and faults of the mind are like wounds in the body. After all imaginable care has been taken to heal them up, still there will be a scar left behind.

Afraid

I wanna watch breaking dawn, i know most people are gonna say "eee u wanna watch breaking dawn, so gay, or so lame or pfft its just breaking dawn or hey am i the only one who doesnt wanna watch breaking dawn?" haha seriously? with that attitude, its gonna bring u nowhere in life.

I think people have rights to like what they like. Why judge wht they like? Unless if its illegal or something, or it bothers you or haunts you, then yes do say something abt it. But this, is just a movie, and do u think its cool tht u say this? "am i the only one thts not excited for breaking dawn?" does tht make u an adult? does tht make u special?

And yes u have rights to dislike whatever u want to dislike. But seriously? People don't wanna hear it. Negativeee thingss. Negative thoughts. No, you are not welcome to say something negative. Im not saying this to one person, im saying this to tons of people. If you think tht movie is gay, lame, pathetic, then just keep quite. Okay?

Anyways, I can't wait for Nicole's birthday. I have a special pressie for her! :)

Isn't this blog post just bipolar :)

Taking the chance

WEEHOO, spm is almost over, and im having my 4 day break, just waiting till i get my chemistry and biology boots on! Just had a good breakfast, and still no mood to study, im still tired. Hihi excuses, i know :P Watched puss in boots yesterday! That cute little kitttyyyy! And kitty soft paws. and daamn it was funny. Watched it with my sisters, eimaan and ezza, oh yeah and umar's friends. NOW I KNOW WHAT HUMPY DUMPTY'S MIDDLE NAME IS. mwuahahaha, idk if its a fact or a myth tho. Yesterday was my "letting go of my stress dont u come back" day! ahuuuh ahuuuh. But of course it'll say hi to me again on tuesday and wednesday. Then on thursday, i'll be patrick under a rock. sleeeeping all dayyy longgg, doing whatever i want.

I wonder if i shuld do any part time jobs. I mean where would i fit in? In a restaurant? Who knows :)
Im gonna start on my tasha's fav recipes folio. Can't wait. Cooking everything, doing experiments, and gather it in one special book :') Maybe i'll even make a copy for ezza, since god knows wht shes gonna eat at America.

TIPS

Woke up this morning with a hungry tummy. I was bored and awake. And I was waiting for my dad to buy breakfast. And i can't rlly read BOOKS when im hungry, i'll get cranky. Instead of tht, i surfed the net for BENEFICIAL STUFFS too, meaning i was on my twitter, too :P Searched for SPM tips 2011, and see if most of the tips i got and the predictions on the imprtnt topics are right. Just wanna share some, since i find the tips kind of accurate with what i've got, which are tons of tips.

Tips for Bm, Sej, Chem, Bio and Physics

http://www.bumigemilang.com/?p=11935

Mangatar

So i was stressed, bcause of my studies. And so, i wanted to release some tension. This idea just came popping into my head, cartoooons. I guess it's bcause i havent watched any cartoon for awhile now, so i googled "cartoonize myself" HAHA. And there are all these websites, for cartoons and editing pictures and whatsoever. I found this one website which I thought was pretty cute, so i tried visiting the website and created an account. I compared my picture so tht i can create A CARTOON OF MYSELF. And I got addicted to it, so cartoonized Ash, Nicole, Iman, Aina, Nahra and Sonia too. I took a picture of Ash from my documents, got an old picture. Iman from her dp in facebook and Nicole at my brdy album where she was doing bio. Aina was from my brdy album too! Nahra was in her baju kurung, when we had this raya celeb thing at school. And sonia some random PICS, SO HARD TO FIND HER HAIR. So here are the results!

ME!

Ashiqin!



Nicole!


Aina!


Iman!


Nahra!

Sonia!

Where is yr spirit?

My eldest sister got accepted to SIU, which I THINK stands for south illinois university. So she'll be going to America in december. IM SO GLADDD SHES GOING AWAY. hahaha. She's a pain in the ass and etc. All these furthering studies and pursuing dreams thingy is making me wanna study harder. And I will achieve the results tht i deserve. InsyaAllah. I will try my best.

Middle

I feel much better that we have fixed this problem, glad to have her back in our life :)

Tho, after everything is actually finally okay. Something goes wrong. My ear. My right ear, i can't hear anything. I was talking to rishantinee in class around 8am, then suddenly there was this sound *teet* and suddenly i cant hear anything. At first i thot, its the typical, my ear got temporarily blocked. So i tried drinking water, swallowing my salive, myrah tried covering my nose and i tried to blow, so tht it'll solve the problem. And i tried putting water in my ear. After resting my head on the table for a few minutes, i wanted to go to nahra's table. Bcause i wanted to inform her, and suddenly when i tried standing, I wasn't stable. I felt like falling down, my left side of the body was much more denser than my right side. Cz i culdnt hear anything on the right side of my ear. You know how i am, never really accepting a fact right at the time. I was still in denial, tried to laugh, make a joke out of it. Then suddenly I just cried cz i rlly didnt hear anything. I culdnt. I mean like rlly culdnt. So Myrrah, Nahra, and Iman just approached me and asked me about my ear. It wasnt improving. I had to go to the canteen with both of my arms and hands held by nahra and myrrah. After recess, Nicole had to take care of me. So she was the one holding me, to make sure I was okay. Went back to class after tht, and the ex prefects had jamuan, so this time got help from Nicole & Iman. I rlly did feel like an old woman.

And then school ended. Waited for my dad and a few minutes later, i saw his car at the back. So i went in front again to take my bag but i forgot tht i culdnt walk properly so i just hold on tightly to whatever tht was solid. My dad looked pretty worried, he kept looking at me and thot something was wrong with my leg.. I was too devastated i culdnt tell him what was wrong. I was afraid tht i was gonna cry, so i wrote it down on a small post it paper and gave it to him. But i still cried bcause i culdnt believe in the fact tht i culdnt hear anything. And he tried to book an appointment today with the doctor, but his schedule was full. So tmrrw morning im going to the hospital for a check up. Wish me luck and hope its not permanent, insyaAllah.

Quotes for the day

HAHA MAAAAAN, this quote above me, gave me a slap in the face. Im not living by this quote, just posting it :p



















(quote above me) this should be true? no? Hehe. Kidding. *praying for it to be true*