3.00am

So it's new years eve! The last day for the year of 2011, a loooong loong year. The exam year. The stressful year. The year that has taught me a lot of things that the years before did not. A year full of tears & happiness. A year full of shocking things. A year full of hugs. A year full of cherish. A year where the friendship bond got strengthen between me and my friends.

Alhamdulillah. I don't know how to put everything in words. But whatever that happened, really did made an impact on me. It made me stronger. I know this year im not really a good person, i mistreat a lot of people. And I always assume the negative things. I followed my ego, i was stubborn, i was ignorant, i did not put a lot of effort to be grateful. Im sorry. Im sorry Allah, im sorry parents, and im sorry friends. But most of all, im sorry myself. Im sorry I never loved myself the way that I was supposed to. Im sorry if i have ever offended any of my friends. I know I did, im sorry for all of the imperfections I have. I do not want to be arrogant, I do not want to be angry, I do not want to be envious, I do not want to be proud. I know what I am, I know who I am. And I think i've been judging myself much more than I have judge others. I was not supposed to do all those things, not to my friends. The friends that stood by me when I needed them, the friends that lend me their shoulders, the friends that will always give me a hug if i need it, the friends that will always slap me in the face if i was ever asleep and blind. I am sorry if i was ever disrespectful to any of you. Im sorry if i was stubborn to my parents. Im sorry that I always put my deaf ears on. It's selective hearing and I know i shuldnt do that to my parents. To be honest, there are a lot of things that i'd like to say to my friends. Things that I am not satisfied about. Things that I wish they could see. Things that I wish they could change.

We all know it's always hard for me to stand up to myself. I might look tough to some of you but deep inside im just scared and lost, and weak. Compared to my friends who are confident, proud, intelligent, and knowledgeable. Sometimes it's hard for me to catch up. I feel like im the turtle and they're all rabbits.

But I just can't afford to lose them, so i am gonna tolerate this situation. Because I love them. Despite our differences.