Sick

Checked with the specs shop, they checked my specs power, and they said its diff diff, for every check, bfr this my power was only 450, now she said its 600. Great, im close to blind, she said i have to check with a REAL doctor.

And another case, ive been hving headaches and the feeling of vomitting, everytime, almost every second, the only thing i cn do is hide it. And just go on with my life.
Am not preg, u crazy -.-"

Maybe bcause of the bul
Dammit, :/

I have

AN IMPULSIVE AND COMPULSIVE BEHAVIOUR!

Are u a peggy or a betty or a joan? :)

You Are Betty

You are a perfectly polished and put together woman. You mind your manners and always act appropriately. You are the type of woman who makes an ideal wife and mother. You are able to be completely selfless. The downside to your kindness is that people sometimes take advantage of you. You don't stand up for yourself enough. You are as sweet as you seem, but there's only so much one woman can take before she snaps.

Are You a Peggy, a Betty, or a Joan?

The First Rule of Blogthings Is: You Don't Talk About Blogthings

Thank you :)

Thank you to everyone tht wished me for my brdy, its very thoughtful of u guys, :)

And thank you SONIA for pulling me into the class like a slave so tht the whole class cn sing happy brdy to me, thanks to all my classmates for shouting the brdy song in my ear, HAHA, trust me, it was very clear :P Haha. I love you guys so much! I love you 4K :)

And thank you to my bestfriends and family and also friends :)

Thrilled

So far it has been a good brdy, hahaha, and its only been like 1 hour after 12am haha :P

Let me list down on who wished me :P

Amin Shabugi clled me arnd 11.50 something and wished me, thts clled in advance. Haha thanks amin, the community service director like me ;) And Anwar Aziz msged me 1 minute bfr 12, but i'll just bundarkan the time and put him in 12am wish person, cant believe u remember my number after years, gempak la u anwar. haha. so Anwar and Ashiqin are the first two people to wish me :) Then comes Nicholas, Iman, Luqman, Hakim, Aizad, Effi, Nabila, Sarah, Rozan, Nicole, and so on. To the people who wished me in phone la yg awal2 :D

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THT WISHED ME HAPPY BRDY :)

Brdy

Not rlly excited for my brdy tmrrw, nothing special, and i feel stupid and fat, and i just wanna die.

It's okay, u have to keep in mind tht being pretty is not important, being skinny is not important, because tht wont determine if ur future is gonna be bright or not. Because you knw all u want is to be a good person and a good friend and a good daughter, sister and so much more, there are more things tht are important. And you are going to be a successful person when u grow up, and you are gonna let people think whatever they wanna think about you. But you are going to make it in this world with the help of god. i hope i cn think this way

Losing self confidence

I don't know why lately i've become very depressed. In some situations, i lost my specs, i couldnt study at all, i lost focus in my studies, especially when the teacher is writing equations or questions or anything at the whiteboard, and guess what row i sit in class? The first row. Im in the middle!
The whiteboard is just infront of me. Like without any angles or 60 or 70, it's a perfect 90 degree!
But so anyways, i feel stupid, and teacher announced tht we all have to wear our baju kebangsaan this friday, yesterday night i tried out some baju kurung and kebaya, my baju kurung all cnnot fit anymore, my butt's too big and etc. I was so depressed i reached out for my phone and talked to farhan faris and atasha liu. They made me feel wayy better. Especially farhan. I mean okay everyone has a secret, and i have my own secrets, and well after he knew about it, he gave me this strength somehow to not make the mistake. But its something i cant avoid, i'll always feel this way. I just felt like i could be whoever i am without thinking about my weight, shape and everything when im talking to him. He's such a good bestfriend and talking about struggling in life, He's such a strong person and thts one thing i admire about him.
And now im not talking to him and i feel bad abt myself again :( Im not saying he didnt give a strong impact on me, he did, he really did. But im just too stubborn to believe in myself.
Im fat, fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat , and it makes me feel worst when skinny people at school are saying they're fat.


But thank you Farhan Faris, :)

& Atasha Liu <3

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AHHHHH, hee :D

Memories

You can never actually run from your past. You will eventually meet them again, no matter how much it hurts you. No matter how much it gives you pleasure. I can't believe im meeting my past again. I haven't really talk to Mr.Past for around 2 years something? And you were the best Mr.Past among all the Pasts I had. This sounds weird, mybe i'll give u name hmm steve? ah i dnt cre whatever nicknme it is. Well, he was the best thing that has ever happened to me. He showed me what the definition of love was. Do u notice how i put everything as past tense? haha. Every great thing he did was before. And then it broke my heart when i knew steve got over me for not more than 3 days after it ended. He got through a breakdown because he saw the girl he loved in someone else's arms. And the girl that he loved wasn't me. After i knew what he went through, i thought it'd be great if i was gone from his life. Because i tried contacting him for 3 days, and i didnt get any respond. Then i got to know this from someone in his life. I build walls between me and him. I promised myself to get over him. Felt like i lost everything when he was gone. I had flings and crushes with or to 18 or 16 guys, but he was the one i thought would be forever in my life. I couldn't blame him because of everything. Because i know i ruined it too with my attitude. I loved him too much till I wanted him to be more than perfect when i couldn't see that he was already beyond perfect for me. I made him feel as if he wasn't good enough for me. I made him feel as if he has screwed my life. I made him feel like he was useless. And finally, I made him cry.
But now he's so happy with his princess, and im so happy for him.
He deserves way better than me.
But it was just a shock to know that we could still bond as friends after years of building walls between each other.
And that alrdy makes me glad.

But im still 16 and it's a long way to go :)

A jerky guy i care about

i love u cuz ure my torchlight which lights the way when im lost

-Nicholas Elam Shah

he said im a cheap torchlight, cheaper than candy, cheaper than 10 cents, wayy cheaper, WOW UR THE SWEETEST GUY NICHOLAS, HHAHAHAHA, *SLAP SLAP. It's okay, i still love you nicholas.

Tired

I don't know why i've been so tired lately, maybe because of the homework? Oh yeah, i think so :/ And how great! The tailor came last tuesday while we had our prefect meeting, only ordered a blazer, wowww shockingly they said i fit in XS, thought im size XL hahaha. Ordered a blazer and the short skirt, then went into the prefect room. After finished meeting, i asked the muslim students, whether they order the long skirt or the short skirt, then EVERYONE thts muslim la, they ordered both! GREAAAAAAT I FORGOT TO ORDER THE LONG ONE. then asked my prefect teacher, she said she encouraged us to order the long one but the short one also cn, but its okay, the second time they come here, for a test drive, i'll order the long skirt. Hehe nsib baik >:)

ANDDD my mathematic 3 book is missing in action! now i have to do it all over again for the 3RD TIME, how cn i be so careless -.-" Or maybe it was the teacher's fault, ahh who cares, i hope i wont get demerit, if i send it late, i HOPE my math teacher would understand :/ and anyways, since i alrdy changed my mind to not do cullinary arts, i am moving over to a new course, which is actuarial science. I've done a research on it, well, not rlly a 100% research, its one of the most high paid job. Especially in America. Im not rlly clear on what they do, but i understand part of it, like couting the risks, and u know if they invest in lalal, whats the profit, and alala, whats the risk, well, at least it applies addmath and math, which is good, coz those are the only two subjects tht im good at. I mean the two subjects tht im most good at. The others are average.

Ahhhhhhhhhh tomorrow is schooooooool! i hate schooool, sorry, haha, i want a home school, tht sounds more cooler :(

Oh yeah i forgot to ask harshiah about the namecards for our intrct club :/ haha, when la wanna have an official meeting, gotta settle the namecard, nametag, uniform, installation, and i have tons of ideas for the community service project :O Im very impressed with ARGS intrct club blog. It's so pretty and i saw the programme theyre hving for the community service project, competing with all the classes for recycling ! I salute you guys :)

Oh yeah and congrats to nicholas for getting iu director, the post u wnted right :)

And Ysheng for getting president, wooowowww, haha, oh yeah this little kiddo for getting treasurer, brandon lau!

NICHOLAS ELAM SHAH, still mad at u, hahaha kidding.

i am TIRED, EXHAUSTED, with HOMEWORK. aaaaaaahhhhhh.

Still got biology and physics hw :/

Yesterday

Went to school, handle the fundraising, it was fun :) it was actually a blast because they liked the float! :D Haha, and so spent time with ashiqin in the hall, i felt like we were back in standard 6. not tht we wnted to act like kids but that was not the matter, it wasnt something i labelled as jobless, it was something i labelled as good flashback moments :) Ashiqin has been my bestfriend since standard 6 and i know she would be my bestfriend since the age of 3 if i met her earlier. She's just such a great person, she understands me in every way. And there were some fights before but our friendship was still strong because no matter what i know i could never live without her, and without our friendship. I tell her everything and yesterday was just great, especially when we were telling each other what problems we faced, and the fun things we went through at school. I never get bored of listening to her stories, i dont know why. And so we went to the cuci musical yesterday night at 8.30 pm. I WAS LOST. Hhahaha i mean going in the building la, i was like "what stairs?!"
ash; STAIRS LA! ANY STAIRS!
me; nnt i hilang!
ash; u naik yg banyak orng!
me: sume tmpt bnyk orng!
ash: naik jee stairs tasha!
me: i tkutt!
HAHAHAHAHAHA, as usual, tht would be tht usual me, panic-ing and all tht with the place tht im not familliar with :P Then i found them, i saw malik in pink and ashiqin in black then dian appeared, HAHA, :P so met dian's mom and we went in for the musical, it was so fun! haha, and IM SO SORRY ASH FOR STEPPING ON UR SKIRT hahahahahahhaha. We were standing for the VIPS then ashiqin had complications standing, i was like "whats wrong!" then she was like "i cnnot stand! help!"
then i was like "oh why! what happen? Trying to pull her up" then she said "BECAUSE UR STEPPING ON MY SKIRT!" HAHAHAHAHAHAH, I LAUGHEDDD LIKE HELL, haha sorry!
oh yeah and i wasnt rdy for the negaraku so i was standing with my legs far apart, very smart tasha -.-"
PAK LAH WAS THERE, hahahaha.
malik couldnt stop poking ashiqin -.-" hahaha, and dian was talking about patrick :P haha.
Ash and I were like laughing everytime there was a funny scene, i laughed like a nerd - Ashiqin.
HAHAHAHA, i was so crazy! haha ash remember when they were like "flying" dkt the bangunan when they wnted to wash them! and suddenly there was a musical? HAHAHA, they were like flying spiders! hahaha, ash was laughing like hell! i swear! hahahaha.
but it was great, i had fun with ash, dian and malik :)

Lost without it

As you would know, i lost my specs, my specs of power 500! i have astigmatism and tht is way worst than short or long sightedness. I had my tuisyen just nw, learned about elastic potential energy, which is physics. Mdm Ong, my tuisyen teacher was writing at the whiteboard in front of me, and i think the distance between me and the whiteboard was only about 30cm away? I couldn't see a thing. Not even a sketch of what it was supposed to look like, i saw blurry images, as if someone scribbled with a black marker with anger. Or a kid with no maturity, drawing anything they imagined in their head. Which is not an insultation but still back to the description of how i see things. Lately, i lost focus on my studies because of that. I can never live without my specs. I need it. That's how i develop images and ideas when im studying. I daydream about it. I put myself in the equations and understanding. Without any images, im lost. It's like im standing in the middle of scribbled world. After Mdm Ong explained to me about physics, i told her that i couldn't see a thing on the whiteboard and she was shocked to hear that i lost my specs. Well then, she was kind enough to explain to me again, alhamdulillah :D Then i understood, i love that topic! Love it love it love it. Not like chapter 2 >:(
And so anyways, i feel fat, i've been eating a lot. And i know my friends would probably deny this. But i would never ever believe it. Especially when it's under the fat section. I need to go jogging, but tomorrow im staying back for the prefect's fund raising :/ Oh well maybe when i get home, thinking of asking ameer to join, hope he's free ! I need to at least have some confidence before going to cuci the musical this wednesday. Alrdy bought some face masks, to freshen up my skin later on :) Can't wait to watch it as i've heard a lot of good things about it, and how it made my sister laughed like hell. And i also can't wait to spend time with ashiqin and dian, to watch the musical. I think i might need to borrow ash's specs, if she doesn't mind, she's done a lot for me, and now i feel so guilty to ask for her specs for the musical later :/
And so anyways, I think Iman and I are dead for oral english test, we've been forgetting to discuss about it and tomorrow i got english class at school! What am i gonna tell teacher? :O seriously! We have to make at least a short sketch about it, what cn we come up with tmrrw :( Im so scared! Wish us luck!