College life

Hellooo, sorry i've been too busy with college! I barely update anything. Im kidding, i always update my twitter except for night time cz thts when i'll be studying and all.

Im now doing adp at Help. And taking freshman english and calculus in a short sem (suicide) HAHA. As some would say it.
English class has been fun. The students are nice, some are really friendly and helpful too! :)
But some not sooo. But we had rlly cool activities and stuff so it's definitely a stress free class :D

Calculus is well, very stressful, i suppose. Sometimes i dont get wht to do and i get blur. And i get lost a lot. Like a lot. But I love my friends in there. They're all sooo funny sometimes. Dave, Tan, Kyle, Bryan, etc. We would always like sit together and all of us would make a blur face to each other if we dont understand anything. Especially Dave and me. HAHAHA. ohhhh priceless la dave's face. And he's chindian, bt he talks chinese most of the time. Tho, I can say that he's the closest friend I have at college.
If i dont understand anything, he'll try and teach me.
If i cant see stuffs on the whiteboard, he'd let me copy while he writes.
If i get lost and i dont know where my class is at , he would walk me to the block eventho its far away and he has to go home.
If i missed what the teacher is teaching, he'd rush to me and tell me what the work is.
If i brought smint to college, he'd try and finish it. HAHAH asss.
If i have a problem, he'd be there to listen without judging.
He's just a really nice guy.


Just sad my two other friends dint take the same class with me, Megan and Chia sin :(


OH WELL, college breaks have been good too!
On thursday, Faiz and Naim picked me up from college and we went to bangsar to eat pappa rich!
On friday, Arif and Umar picked me up from college and we went to hartamas for bestari!
On monday, went around the building with Giam, Kyle and Tan.
The other days, got no breaks. HEE


I love this mentor mentee programme thing theyre doing at college. My mentor is Esther Lau :) And her mentees are Hanley, Arya Imran, Yvonne and me :D

Hanley and I are in freshman english together & Yvonne and Arya are in basic english and stats class together.
It just so happens tht we all happen to be Esther's mentee. So its fun to get to know them and still hv ur classmate with u. Arya was really nice and he's from ampang too! :D Yvonne is 20, and she took a levels before but she changed to adp, and she is sooo friendly :)

& Esther is definitely a helpful mentor. A kind one too :)

Aina's birthday

Yesterday, me & my girls went to Sunway to celebrate Aina's birthday. And it was sooooooooooooo nice. We watched Avengers in Imax 3D, well for me & Aina, it was our 2nd time. Nicole couldnt follow tho, she had a meeting at college :/

Avengers was good! After we finished watching the avengers, we went to tgi fridays!
I baked her a few cupcakes. I'll upload some videos n pics later! :)

It was rlly good catching up with them. Every outing we had, it was like the last outing we'll ever have. We just don't wanna miss any moment to make precious memories. We'll never know what's going to happen tomorrow. They've been there for me since the start & I think they deserve the best. This friendship deserves the best. I never know how to describe how much I love them or how this friendship has shaped me into the person that I am today.

So we definitely had a great day. How can we not?
To have each other's company, :)
Great friends indeed :)

Honest

You treat people like how you want to be treated, no? Even if sometimes you think other people deserve to be treated differently, weirdly, wrongly, bcs of what they did. I get confused, with principle and with traditional rights or wrongs. I don't know who lives by what. Sometimes I wonder if I should treat other people the way that they treated me, just to let them taste their own medicine. But do I have the rights to do that?

Christina Perri

Christina Perri is coming to Malaysia! On the 7th June, Thursday :D Im gonna beg my dad and see if he allows me to go. I sing her songs like 24/7! I really really really really love her, :')

Envy the hair :(

Got all the pictures from http://vanessajackman.blogspot.com

ENVIOUSSSSSSSSS!

Scarves

Hello! So since i've been really bored at home, I was googling and youtubing and finding interesting blogs about clothes, and new styles and all, since i've had too much of food blogs, channels, magazines and books :P

I came across a few pics of people wearing scarves as their headbands and it's just really cute, its like those 80's ppl. But very very nice :)

I might even try it out ! But i dont have a suitable scarf for it :/ So maybe when I get some, i'll try it out :)

Here's 3 videos for tutorials on how to do it;

& 

& 

(maybe for those with short hair, they can try this out!)

Change of plans, maybe? :P

My mom just told me tht my dad is gonna ask the advisor from help again to see if i cn do a few sems of adp this year and skip the semester during nov till dec, and myb do it next year when im back from US. :D WHICH IS MORE EXCITING. eventho i wont get to hv tht loooong breeeeeaaak ! Oh well :) College life shuld be more interesting, im fine with both, we'll just wait and see if i cn even enroll and skip and etc.

:DD

La Chica

Did i tell you guys tht im gonna be enrolling in college NEXT YEAR? yes, therefore I have the whole year to myself. Its quite shocking, ive never heard of this type of case bfr. I was thinking of enrolling myself in Help to do american degree programme and go to america to earn a degree in math/stats or both. Met with the advisor, she suggested my parents tht I aim for north dakota state uni. Bcs they have quite a good programme of math and there's discount if i transfer from help :) Now this is the case, if i enroll in adp this year, in any intake at all. My exams would end arnd 15 dec. And im going to US in nov something till dec something. To visit my sister and for a holiday! Therefore, I won't be able to sit for the adp exams. And the advisor said tht there's no problem if i enroll late, i'll still be learning the same thing and all. So yesss, im gonna be a college student next year, not this year ! What am i gonna do for 6 months?

My dad is planning to send me to cooking classes, baking classes, and i'll be spending time at the gym too.

Other than that?
I was thinking of taking up spanish and french :D

ESPANOL

FRENCHH!

HAIR

I love her hair. Simple and neat, its a mix of formal and casual. And she's just so pretty :)

I want pajamas :(

Went thru the victoria secret website and i just adore these pajamas! I've alwys wanted cute cute pajamas, :(

Mad

I hate for the fact that I can't go to the gym or do my exercise PEACEFULLY, if there is such thing as exercising peacefully. And i dont mean the environment im in, I meant the condition im in. Went to the hospital a few days ago. Since i've had short breath everytime my gym session ended. I thought it was normal, you know people breathing heavily and feeling rlly tired after exercising. But mine was much serious than that. I'd have difficulty breathing for about an hour even after a warm up. And i'd feel like i have a tight chest and my nose would be blocked. So the doctor said i have exercise induced asthma. He gave me another inhaler and now I have two inhaler. But my dad still wont let me go to the gym! Im just so mad I feel so unhealthy. I feel like crying actually.

Relieved

He now knows how I feel. I feel better after a year? 2 years? lost count. I feel better now that he finally knows it. There's no reason for me to look back anymore. Dissapointed but expected. Feelings can't be forced. It's also involuntary. But im glad we're still friends :)

Happy for you!

It's my best friend's 2nd anniversary with his girlfriend, & I am so happy for him. For all the things that he went through with his girlfriend, Fie. All the tears, all the happiness. All the crying in the middle of the night to me if something goes wrong. Ooops sorry, just had to say tht. It shows that you love her very much eventhough bfr this I felt like killing her for hurting you. I just realised I had no rights to make the decision for you & I realised how happy you are, with her :) HEHE. You're my brothaa from another mothaa and dadaaa. I knew you since we were 14 years old :P The boy I met at a party, the shy boy with his friend, the boy who played cards but got really sleepy so he went home early. Never thought we'd be bestfriends. Never thought we'd last this long. Look at us now, we're 18 :) And im so happy that you're happy.

Remember i alwys tried to make u gay. Bcs I wanted a gay best friend so badly? Haha. Found this clip from best friend's wedding movie. Julia Roberts and her gay bestfriend, who did a lot for her. Who was there for her all the time. Who supported her. U WILL ALWYS BE LIKE HIM TO ME hahahahaha :P

And im sorry I had to say this :P

3:13pm

Eh gtg.

huhu

Nak lunch jap !

okay stop saying huhu u sound gay

alrighty

-.-"

My best friend's wedding

I MISS THIS MOVIE!

Whats wrong?

When you can't identify what's wrong with your life but you feel so empty. It's not like you don't have anything to do or to look forward to. Im in the process of planning my future. Step by step. I keep myself occupied. Wake up in the morning and do this and that, and in the evening i alrdy hv my rest and stuff. By night, now that's the problem. Other than watching tv or surfing the net, i have nothing else to do. And I don't know how to explain this situation but when the sun is out, it seems like happiness is less dense than sorrowness. But when night time comes, all those depressing thoughts, those empty feelings just float. It's not like I dont have anyone to talk to, I have. They're there for me all the time. Im grateful for that one thing but how can you turn to them and say tht something is wrong when u dont even know what's wrong. Or maybe I do know what's wrong , I just don't know if that's the real source of why Im actually feeling empty and depressed. Bcs I overthink things but sometimes i think tht its important to over think things. I mean if you don't do that, then you might regret making the wrong decision. By that time, what you'll be doing is blaming yourself for not thinking hard enough abt what u decided on. And i guess, by then, it's too late.

I don't know what I should do with my future. At first I was certain about it and then when people start doubting my decisions. I start doubting myself. I mean, is it the right thing to do? Is it rlly what I love? Is it rlly my passion? Will it sustain me in the future? The product of it i mean. Will i be content or satisfied with it? Will I have regrets? I know we will all have our downfalls. I'd accept it if i was actually fighting for something tht I believe in. Bcs I can naturally have that determination to actually bring myself up again.

But what if I don't believe in what I do? What if I could alrdy see myself falling and I don't mind falling just cz I know it was alrdy coming? What am I supposed to do next? Stand up and predict another fall? Listen to people laugh and mock me?

I just wanna be sure of what I do. What I decide on. So that when I fall, or when im on the ground, I don't take that time to think again on why I actually do this, or why I even need to get back up again. But I know there's no guarantee in life. It's just that, I can't live with doubts. I really cant. It's like someone telling you there's going to be a few ninjas attacking you but you just don't know when and where. You have doubts on whether your preparation is ever enough and if you are keeping your guard up at the appropriate time.

So what is really wrong now?

Todaaaaaay

Went to klcc! To babysit my sisters and their friends. Invited Nicole! & Faiz :) Both my bestfriends. Hehehe. Thanks for finishing my food, Faiz, as always :P And nicole for ur advise on sephora products, :P At last got rlly nice colour of bare minerals lipstick. Loving the passion fruit colour :) And hunger games was okaaaaaaaay, i mean i like how they fight fight fight and survive, wht i dont like is how there's like fake romance and stuff, i mean maybe it wuldve been a great story line if it goes a little bit deeper on the emotions. But there were some scenes that kept repeating, the flashback and all. Once or twice should be okay, but yeaaah some parts were quite too much. Not the best movie, but its not bad i guess. Nways, I really had fun today :) Even the dinner with my family! Earth Hour at klcc was niceeeeeeeee, this girl sang a Michael Jackson song and everybdy was holding these glow in the dark sticks :)

Moving on

It's time to get back up and start doing something. Thank you for the support family & friends. I couldnt've done it without you guys. Countless hours of motivating me and just listening to my problems and just hearing me cry. It really means a lot. You guys never got tired of helping me & im just so grateful to know that there are people who care :) Well, im still thinking about what I wanna do in the future. It obviously have to involve math :P

Was thinking of majoring stats. But i think i'll see how it is first. Dad is asking me to consider mathematical science. Actuarial science is something tht's nice but rlly hard? It's not tht I don't believe in myself. It's just that I don't think my capabilities can be that extreme to that extend. Sometimes I just gotta be realistic in what I wanna choose. I don't mind teaching or being an educator. Since im alrdy tutoring my sisters and my cousin. And I like teaching. Might even be a lecturer, insyaAllah :)

Now im either considering Ausmat at kdu or Adp at help. Was thinking of studying at Iowa, with my sister but she'll be back by next year! So i wont have anyone there and i dont wanna be alone :P And its so far away.

My dad is asking me to go to curtin uni in aussie, cz my cuz, kak farah is there, and shes gonna live there so it'll be easier ! But i mean, i really wanna go to university of newcastle. or myb even princeton :P meheehehe. Yeah tht wuld be a dream come true, :) I'd hv to study really hard in college.

Well, anything is possible, we'll see what happens, if ada rezeki, then Alhamdulillah :)

WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENSSSS :)

Forever

I miss them alrdy.

This song is for them <3

High school years and counting!

Joe Brooks

Went to Joe Brooks concert. Thank you to Arif Azmin for the ticket & Umar for driving me there and sending me back home! And u both for taking care of me :) Thank you to Malik for the company.

Joe Brooks was cute & adorable and he sounds better live :)

It was worth my time!

But at the end of the day, I felt like i was worthless. Still in the field of feeling tht way :/

New apron!

NEW APROOON!

Hehe i was so excited when I saw this apron! It's just sooooo me, the colour and the style, and all :)

This makes me wanna cook moooooooooooore. Hehehohohahah!

Quack

Went jogging today, Kak Farah picked me up around 7.30am and there was this terrible traffic jam.

Actually I felt reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallly lazy today, but im gonna get measured today at my gym. And they're gonna see how much I lose or gain, and im really really scared. Bcause I've been eating big big portions & I always feel guilty afterwards. I love food too much! I just hope I do lose a few pounds or better kgs.

So as usual, I went to klcc with kak farah & malik.

And I felt GREAT this morning. Usually I'll just do like power walk or just normal walk :P But today SINCE I asked Malik to push me harder. I jog a lot & I don't feel that tired anymore after tht.

Eventhough my leg hurtsss but I feel good and healthy after it, coz I sweat a lot.

So it was a productive morning because I got a greaaaaat sweat session! & also a great chat with Malik. Since kak Farah always leaves us behind -.-"

Thruout the jogging session, Malik kept promoting Waterloo transfer programme tht Help U offers & since actuarial science is under my consideration. He thought i'd be great if i joined the same programme as him.

Which I think it is. Im just scared tht I won't be able to cope with it.

Actuarial science is reaalllly reallly hard & I heard tht it's harder than medic but I mean it depends on your passion. And i do love numbers :/ Buut, it's not like im that great at it.

Im just still undecided.

It's either im doing math & stats or actuarial science.

Its either ausmat or adp.

Its either aussie or canada

It's either curtin or waterloo.

AAAAHH TORNN!

P/s: Thanks Malik for pushing me & for making sure that I feel fine (meaning without any pain that i cant handle anywhere arnd my muscles and all).

You're a great coach, ducky :')

Looking forward

I can't wait to see my Marshall, my Ted, my Barney & my Robin <3

She's back :)

My bestfriend is back from Umrah! I miss you, Noor Ashiqin :)

Still do, even when ur back! I've had one lonely week. But thanks to the guy version of Ashiqin, Malik. I feel like im not alone anymore. But he still can't replace you.

You'll always be at the top & you'll always be my marshall!

And no tht's not lesbo stuff. Cz we're gays! YEAH! haha kidding.

Im glad you arrived here safely. Now that you're around, I know that my days will be brighter :)

I hope to make yours too! I miss your lame jokes & your poker faced reactions thru the internet, and your way of always making things positive.

You always know what to say even if it takes time. HAHA.

Tu baru one week, Malik is right, what if bila dh msuk university?

I dint imagine tht yet, and I don't want to.

You're like the yin to my yang & my twin, <3

Love you :)

:D

Havent been blogging for awhile now. Been really busy!

Yesterday I had my ujian undang2 or more known as the computer test, and i got 47/50 :D so i passed! it was a relieve, alhamdulillah! I thought I was going to fail. Thank you to Nabila Bakri & Atasha Liu who helped me get familiar with the questions. Finished those 500 questions at the back of the book and bam! almost everything came out.

I've been going jogging & to the gym lately, and i feel like i get tired too easily. I end up sleeping and skipping my meals. Sometimes i even get a headache. But today was different, I felt so energetic! It was like I culdn't sit still O.O

I had to do something. In the morning around 9.45am, I went to klcc with my cousin kak farah. We love the soft tracks there, its easier to jog! And there's not a lot of people by tht time. We met malik at the track since he wanted to jog with a friend too. So why not. Him and his orange shirt and his orange/yellow shoes. LITERALLY A DUCK. Except tht he was a fast duck. We did 1 round of walking, or more to speed walking. He was still with us tht time, and then when we started jogging, we lost TRACK of him :P or he lost track of us -.-" He was too fast. And apparently, i hads short leg and a short STAMINA. But u cant rlly blame me, he was a runner before. SO HAA, cannot compare. Then we did 2 rounds of jogging, so tht is 3 rounds! After we (kak farah and I) finished our 3rd round. We met malik at the bench, so tht we culd do our stretchings there. Then I just had a short moment of an asthma attack, cz my inhaler was in the car :p HASD;NFKASK. asthma problem! hhahahaha. Had a chat for awhile then head back to ampang. Stopped by at k. farah's house bcause we thought abang faris wnted to follow us visit BUTTONS :D an adorable little princess! i mean cat :P at the vet, cz she was on drips and she had an infection at her wound. So she was admitted for a few weeks. She'll be back in a few days :) AND SHE WAS SOOOO CUTEE AND FLUFFY AND I FEEL LIKE BITING HER.

So nways after we went to the vet, we stopped by to buy nasi kukus and head back home :)

Wanted to go to the gym just now but kak farah's car is used by my aunt. So maybe tmrrw :D

OH YEAH , and ive been helping my parents at the store! Heavy heavy heavy job, thts the most exhausting job i've ever done. So probably when im free, i just help them there. Except for today bcause i thought we were going to the gym. Hihi. BOIII.

Im sorry

Im sorry I told you it wasn't going to work. Im sorry I made you cry. Im sorry you think that im playing with your feelings. Im sorry that I made you think you weren't good enough for me. Im sorry for your broken heart. Im sorry I did not tell you earlier. Im sorry if i made you lose faith. Im sorry I made you think about death. Im sorry I made you feel like theres no point living anymore. Im sorry I couldnt give you a chance. Im sorry I had to say goodbye. Im sorry I tortured you. I am so sorry, it hurts me to hear you cry. But I am not ready for all this love kinda thing. I don't want to be ready for it. We're still young. We're only 18. I think that we should prioritise other things compared to this. Love isn't beneficial if it is not for the sake of Allah.

Im sorry.

Stupid for Love

http://youtu.be/TkKFBWSAKRk

AshAsh

I'll miss you, Ashiqin. Please come back safely. I love you <3

Remember we tried this when I slept over your house? We tried it in your room & I was supposed to be Kate Hudson & ur Ginnifer Goodwin. We were so curious about it after watching the movie. The next day your parents asked why we were so noisy :P Im sooorryy uncle. haha!

Then we sang and played bubbles and cooked.

AAAH i still remember the pasta we made!

u wanted the capsicums to be in bigger pieces and i wanted it in small pieces.

The salt tht i poured into the boiling water shocked you :P

Andd the sauce was too sour-y, so i put more salt. HAHAHAHA. FAIL, then we added sugar :P

You are so marshall. You're my marshall & my phil!

Why I .

Now that you're in the hospital, i become more lonely. Everytime I call you, you're either sleeping or doing yr medical check up. I know I shouldn't blame you for not having time for me but I miss you. I think the reason why I left before was bcause you did not have time for me. You were busy with work and you started doing wht I hated which is u know. By the time you got back home, you were alrdy tired. And when you online just for awhile, you're always so busy with your friends. Till you forgot that you were talking to me. I sound really clingy, don't I? Well that's just me.

Will you?

I want you to start loving yourself. I know sometimes I don't too. But I feel like you're not grateful for each day tht God gives you. You're wasting it by risking your health. You want me to stay & I will stay with you. I'll be by your side thruout everything. I promise you that. But you have to start convincing me that it's a worthy thing to do.

Not bcause I feel like staying with you is a burden but bcause i want you to realize that there's someone who loves you. Someone who cares for you when your world becomes upside down.

Everytime I talk to you on the phone, it feels like you're alwys assuming tht I don't care abt you.

You doubt me all the time. I don't know if its your precautionary step to make sure that im really staying or you just dont trust me. But I want you to know that im here. Everyone thinks what Im doing is a bad idea. They're scared that I might get hurt...again. But life isn't always about being happy and getting the things you want. True? I know that I will get hurt, actually I already am but without any sacrifice, what is really life?

Risk

RISKS

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool,
To weep is to risk being called sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk showing your true self.
To place your ideas and your dreams before the crowd is to risk being called naive.
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure

But risks must be taken, because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love.
Chained by his certitude, he is a slave; he has forfeited his freedom.
Only the person who risks is truly free.

the real author of this inspirational verse is Janet Rand.

Special support

When I feel like i'm a nobody, When I feel down, When I'm stressed out, When I don't know who to turn to, When I feel like im not worth it, When I feel like crying, When I feel like im falling down, When I tell myself that I am never enough..

They prove me otherwise & they help me get through everything .

Allah SWT

Hanis Nabiha

Nicole Chan

Faiz Hafiy

Iqbal Had

Noor Ashiqin

Ahmad Danial Naim

*not ranking anyone*

Thanks, for this,

Nicole : I've got your back sis

Faiz: If u cry and i was in front of you. I'll give u a hug just to make you feel better.

Me: And i'd cry lagi teruk. Haha

Faiz: Then i'll just keep hugging. Haha

*faints*

Me: what does it mean if after a workout session then u pening2 wanna muntah and all?

Him: Period

Me: -.-" If dh hbs?

Him: start a new one! :D

Me: I think i boleh semput ckp dgn you -.-"

Him: haha k la jk jk.

Me: *heart attack, faints*

You are a comedian. PERIOD!

Feels good :)

The best thing about crying is that it makes you sleepy afterwards. Alhamdulillah! :)

Sesungguhnya Allah memiliki sejumlah malaikat yang tugasnya hanya

berkeliling di jalan-jalan untuk mencari tempat-tempat bagi orang-orang yang berzikir. Dan

jika mereka melihat ada sekelompok orang yang berzikir, maka mereka memanggil kawankawanya untuk mendatangai tempat itu. Maka Para malaikat turun ke langit dunia dengan

menaungi majlis zikir itu dengan sayap-sayap mereka. Sekembalinya, mereka ditanya oleh

Tuhan mereka padahal Dia Maha Mengetahui lebih dari mereka.

Tanya Allah :Apa yang diucapkan oleh hamba-hambaKu Itu?

Jawab para malaikat : Mereka sedang bertasbih,bertakbir, bertahmid dan bertamjid

untukMu.

Tanya Allah : Apakah mereka pernah melihatAku?

Jawab para malaikat : ì Mereka belum pernah melihatMu.

Tanya Allah : Bagaimanakah kalau mereka pernah melihatKu.?

Jawab para malaikat : Kalau mereka pernah melihatMu,pasti mereka akan bertambah

banyak memujiMu.

Tanya Allah : Apa yang mereka minta?

Jawab para malaikat : Mereka meminta dimasukkan kedalam surgaMu.

Tanya Allah : Apakah mereka pernah melihat surgaKu?

Jawab para malaikat : ìMereka belum pernah melihatnya.

Tanya Allah : Bagaimana kalau mereka pernah melihatnya?

Jawab para malaikat : Jika mereka pernah melihatnya tentu mereka akan lebih banyak

memintanya.

Tanya Allah : Dari apa mereka mohon perlindungan?

Jawab para malaikat : Mereka mohon perlindungan dari siksa api neraka.

Tanya Allah : Apakah mereka pernah melihatnya?

Jawab pada malaikat : Mereka belum pernah melihatnya.

Tanya Allah : Bagaimana kalau mereka pernah melihatnya?

Jawab para malaikat : Jika mereka pernah melihatnya,pasti mereka akan lebih banyak

mohon perlindungan daripadanya.

Kata Allah : Ketahuilah dan saksikanlah bahwa Aku telah memberi ampunan kepada

mereka.

Kata seorang dari para malaikat : Di antara mereka ada seorang yang tidak ikut berzikir, ia

datang kerana ada suatu hajat.

Kata Allah : Orang-orang itu tidak akan membawa sengsara kepada kawan duduknya.

(HR Tirmidzi, Ahmad, Al Baihaqi dan Ibnu Syahin)

Addicto

I am officially addicted to hindustan movies!

THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOUUUU *soulja boy*

Emotional

Ya Allah, why do I cry everytime I remember you? I feel your power, I feel your kindness.

I was lost. I did not know that being close to you was so important. But now I realized what I was missing.

Forgive me for all my sins, forgive me for all my bad intentions, and my arrogance.

Ya Allah, Ya tuhanku. Open my heart wider to you.

I thank you for every breath that I take. I thank you for everyday. I thank you for the chances that you have given me.

Alhamdulillah.

Left behind

I think I have to train myself to be a reader. People these days have such advanced and bombastic english and I just feel like i don't know anything. It gets really difficult especially when I need to express my feelings, but words can't be formed to actually reflect exactly on how I feel. But that is not the only reason why I feel like im left behind. You can obviously gain knowledge by reading. And I think people in this world are all racing for that. I just wanna do it sincerely. For Allah. I have to start seeing it as something important. I have to make sure that my intentions are pure. I don't just wanna gain knowledge because I wanna be successful or to be respected. I don't wanna be arrogant. Im scared.

" IKHLAS NIAT – Kewajipan ke atas setiap muslim di dalam memastikan niat ketika menuntut ilmu ikhlas kerana Allah dan bukannya untuk mencari habuan dunia yang sementara kerana Rasulullah S.A.W pernah memberi amaran yang mana Allah akan menyediakan tempat di dalam neraka bagi mereka yang menuntut ilmu untuk kesenangan dunia semata-mata tanpa memikirkan maslahat Islam dan ummatnya. Memang agak susah untuk ikhlas di dalam belajar tetapi kita mesti terus berusaha ke arahnya. Kita yang berada dalam sistem sekular yang mementingkan material menyebabkan kita terlupa bahawa ilmu yang dipelajari bukan untuk mendapatkan tempat dan kedudukan serta kerja tetapi adalah untuk menjauhkan kita daripada kejahilan yang mana dengan ini mampu menjadi perisai diri di dalam melawan arus kesesatan dan seterusnya membawa perubahan kepada keislaman. Jadikanlah diri kita sebagaimana padi yang mana semakin semakin berisi semakin tunduk ke bumi kerana rendah diri. Jangan jadi sebagaimana lalang yang tinggi semakin mendongak ke langit kerana sombong. Ingatlah bahawa orang yang benar ikhlas dalam menuntut ilmu sahaja yang mampu memiliki sifat terpuji termasuk merendah diri. Maksud firman Allah dalam ayat 235 surah al-Baqarah :.........Dan ketahuilah bahawa Allah mengetahui apa yang tersemat dalam hatimu maka takutlah kepadaNya dan ketahuilah bahawa Allah Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang. Ingatlah bahawa setiap orang akan binasa melainkan orang yang berilmu, setiap orang yang berilmu akan binasa melainkan orang yang beramal dan setiap orang yang beramal akan binasa melainkan orang yang benar-benar ikhlas.

MEMILIH TEMAN YANG SOLEH - Pilihlah teman yang mampu membawa kita ke arah kebaikan dan cubalah hidupkan budaya nasihat menasihati antara satu sama lain di dalam rumah kita sendiri samada berbentuk rasmi seperti diskusi kitab atau melalui perbincangan yang tidak rasmi setiap hari.Loqman Al-Hakim pernah berpesan kepada anaknya supaya sentiasa bersama orang alim dan soleh serta menghadiri majlis ilmu kerana apabila Allah menurunkan keberkatan kita turut sama memperolehinya. Disamping itu apabila kita sentiasa bersama orang soleh akan menasihati kita ke arah kebaikan serta menegur kita apabila berlakunya kesilapan dan kesalahan. Ini kan mematangkan lagi diri kita disamping menambahkan lagi semangat kita dalam belajar. Ini bukan bermakna kita diminta menjauhi mereka yang tidak soleh sebaliknya kita diminta berdakwah kepada mereka setakat kemampuan yang ada dan jangan pula kita yang terpengaruh dengan cara hidup mereka. Ingatlah firman Allah dalam surah Al-Zukhruf ayat 67 yang bermaksud :Teman-teman yang rapat pada hari itu sebahagiannya menjadi musuh kepada sebahagian yang lain kecuali mereka yang bertaqwa. Rasulullah S.A.W pernah berpesan kepada kita melalui hadis yang diriwayatkan oleh imam Tarmizi dan Abu Daud : Seseorang itu mengikut agama sahabat temannya. Maka hendaklah seseorang itu memerhati siapakah yang dijadikan teman. "

Thank you to my friends that are always reminding me to be closer to Him. Esp to Hanis Nabiha :)

:O

SPM results set to be released on March 22

uh oh, haha. Saw this at star online and it was posted earlier today :)

Well it's kinda boring waiting for the results but hey at least it gives me more time to chill. Bcause the life of a college student is more than hectic. So i guess it's a win/win situation.

YOUUU!

Him: Wanna bet?

Me: what bet?

Him: I bet that I can text you goodmorning faster at 7am tmrrw than you can text me.

Me: HAHAH! exactly 7am or bfr? If exactly i cn do tht :P

Him: exactly, haha u can? really? mcm tk percaya je

Me: bring it on! I msg u goodmorning then tido balik :P HAHA

Him: Oh that was yr plan? My plan was tak bangun langsung, biar je :P

LIH.GSRKNFKLESNFLKSFNALKNF.AKLF YES YOUUU!

Secure or Not

A sense of security, it's something we all search for whether it's knowing you're desired, taking control of our fears, or finding strength to do the right thing.

Friends are forever

There are many things that bind friends together - Sharing a laugh over an embarrassing incident, comforting each other in times of need, finding it in our hearts to forgive. But, the thing that binds friends together the most is a secret that changes everything.

I love you guys.

Noor Ashiqin, Nicole Chan, Nahra Yasmin & Nur Aina

Progress

You opened my eyes. You make me believe that I am someone.

Cat's sense

I tried sleeping around 1am plus but I culdn't. I was having some problems before that and I just wanted to sleep and wake up to a new day. But I just culdn't. So I shut my eyes again and all of my problems kept swirling around in my mind. And this time, God sent me something more special :) My kitten. Usually my kitten would sleep on my study chair or maybe on my leg but this time, he came closer :)

I culdnt sleep so I logged into my twitter again, but I guess my kitten culd sleep better than I did esp on my warm shoulders.

This is the only time where he would take his long nap which is after midnight.

This was when I tried sleeping. My younger sister, Eimaan took a shot of this using the ipad. And showed me afterwards.

Yeap Kit Kat is still sleeping.

Before he slept, he just put his paws on my nose and licked it. I guess that was his way of saying "hey be strong, im here for you. *a few minutes later* ZzzzZZ" Hahaha.

I love my cats. All of them. <3

Hmm, I feel like cooking for the family. A big meal. I should do my grocery shopping soon. Night, going to bed now.

I keep forgetting

I keep forgetting. About myself. About how I should never please anyone else just to make them happy.

Sometimes im so blind and blur. Or maybe you could say tht im lost.

I've been so desperate in wanting "this type of thing" to work out that I forgot about the fact that I shuldn't just settle.

Ya Allah, you've been listening to my prayers. You have showed me signs. You have guided me. And I feel so blessed and grateful. Alhamdulillah.

I used to cry myself to sleep, thinking that I had no one. Thinking that I was alone. And I prayed & told god what I felt. So God gave me challenges and obstacles. I got occupied with it and had forgotten about how lonely I was. Alhamdulillah.

And when I faced with challenges and obstacles. I prayed again asking for signs, signs on whether the problem is going to work out or not. And you gave me plenty telling me that it wasn't going to work out. So all the hurt that was accumulated in me was gone. Why? Because I was busy trying to be strong. And God did not let me do that alone. So He sent my bestfriends to help me. My best friends who are always sincere in their intentions. Best friends that never failed in making me feel as if everything was going to be okay.

Everything happens for a reason. And sometimes I or we struggle in finding what the reasons are bcause we just want to stop the pain. When we did not realize that God has helped us in His way.

I thank god for everything that has happened.

Today

Today is just great, everything went well. I had fun and I finally culd spend time with the boys & Ash.

Went to klcc in the morning around 9.41am and met Iqbal at cold storage, I was shopping for some granola and energy bars, for me to bring to the gym and Iqbal was searching for his drink. So we walked around and sat at the food court, waiting for Faiz & Naim to come. Had a long talk with Iqbal while eating our breakfast then Faiz & Naim arrived. They joined us at foodcourt. As usual, the four of us would talk abt everything tht makes no sense to everything tht makes sense. From girls, boys to education & career. The last time we hang out was at faiz's place, around december. It's just great that I have guy friends that I can always count on. From making me feel okay to making me feel safe. Naim was doing his russian language homework, since he's russian tuisyen was at 6pm. He's tht hardworking! So he just ate a granola bar for breakfast. Thats the sacrifice u hv to make if u wanna go to russia and be a doctor ayy ;)

Faiz was looking for sports shoes so we all followed him to all the sports shop. And oh god he took a long time to make sure tht the shoe was a good one, bending it here and there. Then Faiz wanted to watch underworld awakening, so we bought 4 movie tickets in 3D. And in order, Faiz, I, Iqbal & Naim sat. Im lucky enough that I have the insane friend on my left and the sane one on my right. Iqbal would be the sane one :P But both of them were insane when it comes to popcorn. They kept forcing me to eat some! Since they knew i hated popcorn. Faiz ate the popcorn as if it was rice, -.-" He kept eating it non stop. And all the popcorn would spill out of his mouth -.-" And thts exactly wht he offered me.

The movie was so gory i became speechless. The guys kept laughing & Faiz kept checking & asking me if i was okay bcause i was trembling! & I culdnt stand all the gory blood stuff.

Anyways after the movie, I went to Sephora with them to buy my lipbalm & facial wash.

Iqbal wanted some mint so we went to candylicious. While Iqbal & I were looking around and playing the lolipop saber :P Naim & Faiz waited outside. A few minutes after that, Ashiqin & Malik came. So I took Ashiqin away from Malik & we said our goodbyes there :)

Right after Ashiqin arrived, my tummy was making noise & I knew I had to eat so we all went to charlie brown something restaurant to eat. Im not sure if the guys felt gay or whatsoever with the decorations and all but it was definitely an adorable place :)

I ordered fried tortilla chicken cutlet and caramel latte. While Ashiqin & Naim ordered bubble tea & mushroom soup with kiwi avocado juice respectively. I shared my chicken cutlet with Iqbal & Faiz cz it was a big serving!

Faiz got bored bcause Naim was doing his russian hw, I was talking to Ash & Iqbal was with his handphone. So he read my CLEO magazine tht i bought a few days ago.

After finishing our meal, we all joked around and talked as if we haven't met each other for years. I really felt happy, secure, & just blessed. For having friends like them. Alhamdulillah :)

After lunch I told the boys that I was gonna go shop for my cosmetics, and tht i wanted to spend time with Ashiqin. So we said goodbye and went off to sephora again :P I bought my first lipstick! hahaha yes i never wear lipstick and i thought i shuld try something new, i found the perfect one from smashbox! Which costs around 80 bucks. But it was worth it bcause i totally fell in love with it :) Ashiqin bought herself a rosebud salve, which i think the packaging is quite good and heard tht its good quality ;)

And then we were so tired, we found ourselves seats in front of isetan and talked about everything. Especially about how we miss our bestfriends, Nicole, Nahra & Aina. I almost cried thinking about it. I just miss them, I really do.

Me

Me: easily stricken into depression but are not the type to cry over it.

Quote of the day

People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.

If you feel happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world your best and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.

It was never between you and them anyway.

Curves!

I had a very productive day! Today I went to curves, a gym located in ampang. I had my first session today since the first time i went there, I only registered myself. I joined curves with my mom bcause we both need some work out and we need something different. The circuit was just hardcore, in a good way I mean.

One thing though. Curves is definitely not a typical traditional gym. And I love that about curves!

For other gym, u go in and u do ur own stuff, choose which one u wanna do, think u shuld do, and all and if u feel tired, well you have to be one tht motivates yrself. And it's hard for people who are not self-motivated.

But in Curves, the trainers there, they will always keep an eye on you, they will make sure you do it properly and make sure u feel like you can achieve more than what you want or more than what u feel u can.

They will not push you like Jillian in the biggest loser but they will give you motivations!

I got something like this "COME ON! U CAN DO IT! THIS IS FOR U TO GET A SEXY BUTT!"

HAHAHA. wellll OKAAYY! :P

They're really friendly, the trainers there. The owner of this franchise is actually a former cbner, she's now 30 something :) And the trainer that was helping me just now was from SBU! or SBS, haha i forgot, either one but she's so nice and pretty! She has this rosy cheeks :D

Anyways, it was a good experience. After finishing 2 rounds , I was very exhausted and its very good. Because the "machines" there, it focuses and it's specially built for every muscle. There's something for the abdomen, the arms, the thighs, the butt, and etc. And I love it. Don't know when else im gonna drop by! But i can't wait for it :)

For you

"...within the core of each of us is the child we once were. This child constitutes the foundation of what we have become, who we are, and what we will be."

- Neuroscientist, Dr. R. Joseph

This quote is for you, H.

Support

Sometimes you're confused between what's best for someone else and whats best for you.

Sometimes you think you know whats best for them, bcause it's written in a common list of best things.

It takes guts and a breakdown of a lot ego to realize that sometimes you don't know whats best for someone else.

I was mixed up. I thought I offered you something that you'd alwys hoped for but i realized that it was nothing close to what you did hope for or wanted. I realize that my pain and yours are two different things.

I wanted something different and you wanted something else too.

But I know now that you needed help and support more than I did.

I can't compare my pain to yours. You went through a lot.

I care about you.

And I've got nothing to lose, by pushing aside my pain and focusing on you. Because I've got my own support, and you don't know how grateful I am to have them. Nobody knows.

Thank you Nicole Chan & Noor Ashiqin :)

"you're awfully nice to people. Not to mention compassionate too. he's lucky to have you as a friend. I'm lucky too :)" - Nicole Chan

I love you sepet nicoleeeeeeee,

I ) < okay tht looks like a number 1 in a bracket o.o

Help

I wish I could help you, I wish I could take some of the burden away. I wish I knew what was best for you. Instead of what was best for me. Im sorry. I'll try to break down the walls around you if I can. I'll try my best to get into your mind. I just need you to trust me.

Fight

I thought you understood me. That night when we fought, I told you everything that you did wrong and I wanted explanations. It was like asking someone what the time was and they replied "im in africa, and i love the wheather here". You had no explanation for what you have done.

You know what I see in you? Lack of energy, lack of effort. I notice it since the start. You had no effort in getting what you want, making people feel better, making them feel special, or even to protect them from getting hurt. You had no effort at all in knowing someone. Yes, you have a great sense of humour. Something that I really love about you. But that's just it, sense of humour. You're not realistic, nor practical.

& I dislike people who don't know how to be serious. I am exasperated by it. I wonder what a person like you would answer to a question like this; what is the meaning of life to you? What would you want to achieve? How can you progress yourself into someone better?

Let me just try to relate the answer with your attitude:

Meaning of life? I dont know! for me to have fun & be happy! :D

Something tht u want to achieve? To have a lot of friends, to lepak with them!

How to progress yrself into someone better? Aren't I good enugh alrdy? ;)

That's how I see you. You have no sense of reality. You think everything is just an illusion & that you are the only thing that is real. Yes i just referred you to a *thing. Are you even a person?

You have no initiative at all to transform yourself into someone better.

Do you have a heart? Do you even have a mind?

A heart to feel and a mind to think. Because I think life for you is like a clown bouncing on fluffy clouds. And I find nothing funny about it.

So tell me why I should give this chance to you? You are a child.

& One of the reasons why I care about people that I care abt is bcause I look up to them.

& I don't think I even look up to you.