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I need a kick start for everything, i havent done anything that's productive, well not rlly anything, ive done some lil tiny bit things but i dont feel like its enough. Although, i'd have to rlly be motivated to start doing something bcause i sure have a heavy ass. It's sticks on anything tht i sit on. Hmm, well now i dont know what to say anymore. Oh yeah and ive been so exhausted searching for a career pathaway of becoming a lecturer. I mean yeah people tell me u just have to study the subject tht u wuld like to teach and have a masters for it, or something and just maybe go for an interview and see if they accept u. Well tht sounds easy. Even the doctorjob book i read said that, its just tht i find it difficult to find a university that offers a degree in mathematics. Haha u must be laughing now bcause u probably thought, hey i thot they teach mathematics at universities, i mean it is one of the subjects when u study business, or finance, or marketing, or anything tht involves maths. Well yes, that is the kind of major that you see tht offers math. But i specifically want to learn mathematics, You know like all angles of mathematics, further mathematics, pure and applied ones too. All sides of it. I love mathematics, it's like my life. And another thing that's a part of my passion percentage is teaching. I find it fun to teach, especially mathematics, sometimes my friends turn to me when it comes to mathematics. If it was other subject, i think i would just say, "im sorry i cant help" bcause i dont know a lot of things abt it, and when i dont know or im not sure of something, i wouldnt just teach them and try to make myself look good by teaching them. That would be educating them with the wrong info, and even if i wouldnt look like a fool to them. I would feel like a fool myself. Haha that's one thing tht i dont like about people, if they dont know something and they try to teach other people about it and other people end up getting the wrong info, and the person who teaches looks like a hero. You know you can always just say, "im not sure about this question and i dont wanna teach u the wrong thing, sorry, maybe .... can help, why dont u ask her" or "i think the page 3289478907 in book kfnoskdnf has the info about this, sorry"
Why is it so hard for someone to do that? Why? Bcause then other people would think that you're stupid? No, dont ever think of it that way bcause when someone is asking you to teach them, they expect to know the right thing. You might think tht its not a big deal bcause its just some small info about studies, but trust me when someone is taught by someone abt something, they'll end up remembering it for a long time and they probably rlly trust the person.
Anyways back to what i was saying, when i teach my friends math, i feel like im not asking anything in return. When i teach them math, i dont feel like im great, i just feel like what i did helped someone. Not that tht something does not make me feel great, what i meant was being too proud of myself.
It teaches me to feel humble, to actually learn that nobody is perfect. And that teaching them makes me feel like i've contributed something to someone.
It makes me feel like a good person when i know im not. Bcause im always so critical, so judgemental, so stubborn and hot tempered. I always feel like nothing or no one can actually measure up to my level of perfection, and i always thought that perfection was everything even if im not perfect myself. Im always taking a lot of things so seriously, and i judge other people just as much as i judge myself.
It's mean to them and to myself. And i'd probably have to stop that bcause tht attitude of mine has been causing me to lose a lot of people in my life. I still remember the old me when i was more judgemental, i would change bestfriends every year, bcause i think that they werent perfect enugh to be my friend. Well thats rlly mean of me bcause i shuldve realised tht nobody is perfect, not even me. And i should accept them for it, well thts the hard part here, i find it hard to accept them, their flaws. So i said to myself tht i shuldnt fake the friendship if i culdnt accept their flaws. And the longest bestfriend i have now is Ashiqin, looks like i culd stand her, so im grateful for it. Well not tht i stand her all the time, sometimes i feel like smacking her but i still care for her and still think that our friendship is worth it. Also with my other bestfriend Iman, looks like there's another person tht i can stand with, wait wait, i cant stand her :P I also feel like i wanna fly kick her.
Conclusion is, we're all so messed up with each other sometimes tht we would like to kill each other and pull each other's hair but in the end, our friendship is still so valuable and nothing could ever cut that bond between us. We're like particles, so packed together. The forces of attraction is so tight, we dont have a high boiling point or a high melting point bcause tht'll still mean tht we're breakable with a high condition. But even a high condition cant break us apart :)