The bestfriend i always have.

I can't believe myself, i feel like a terrible person, and this thing is the thing tht i really can't believe is happening.
Im feeling really not myself, i feel like when a part of my life is not in place or in order, it'll just ruin everything else. Im such a bad person to her, im such a bad person to them, to the innocent people.
I know that at times, it's better to just fake something than to tell the painful truth. Because you'll never guarantee yourself if that will keep on dragging into another level or another session of time. You have faith in yourself that this fakeness would be only for awhile, you know all those quotes and sayings of "bestfriends will forever stay no matter who you are, thats true friends" or "They'll always be here in whatever situation you're in" or etc. Of course! But you haven't investigate enough of their deep meanings. The inside story of every sentences.


Im blaming myself for this, i know it is never their fault or HERS. I've been such a criminal for being so selfish and for not hearing her even one moment. The caused of how i lost myself is when i lost her. I wasn't true. My eyes and mind was only focusing on one thing, and the one thing is about me. I was so concern of how things went and run through my life and myself, may i repeat MYSELF. Mostly, about my guy, i've been bragging about it 24/7. Till i forgot about the things we were supposed to talk about, like we used to. We always spend time doing quizzes (not with my guy), we always spend time filling each othrs crap sentences or give weird funky nicknames or share the weird stuffs like UFO's flying or a duck underwater , etc etc. In the past, it was just us. And it was just the things we love talking about.
I NEVER FORGOT ABOUT HER, AND SHE NEVER FORGOT ME
but this time, it was just plain different


It wasn't her fault, it was mine. Like i told you people, i've been such a selfish person to her. I didn't see her. I only saw a part of her, and i knew i'd regret by only doing that. It was never enough to call someone your bestfriend when you only see a part of her. I don't know who i am anymore, im acting such a fake to her. And i wanna work it out but i dont know how. The point is, on my mind thinking, the conclusion involves me thinking that im not giving enough to her and another one is she expects just how we were in the old days. I admit, when she moved to melaka, things quite change. I couldn't deny that. We were more distant than we were supposed to. Now it's just plain silence between us.

I know we were so close, we share everything, we tell everything to each othr, from the big sketch of story till the small deep details, we're the one who stayed strong while othrs were falling apart, we were holding on to each othr, depending on how both would react to any situation, you backed me up when i needed you, you pulled me up when i fell,
from every part of centuries,
you were there,
always doing something to make things better,
to bring out the best in me,
to give me confidence,
and to convince me that everything happens for a reason,
and that i'll be okay.
That's what you think your responsibilites were & i was proud of you every second. You make me feel like a real human.

Im sorry things changed, i didnt want it to, sincerely, i was too focused on one thing and you knew what was it, everytime you were there for me, i took advantage of you, im just not myself.
And i apologize that things couldnt be like it used to be, i admit we couldnt be that close like we were, we're both growing up, we're both learning new things in life, eventhough we walk side by side, we couldn't just handle everything for each othr, that's just life i guess. I can't go far by limit, we're only human, but i just wanna tell you that eventhough we're both humans who cant go over the line of limits. We're still bestfriends and I still love you and i want to be there for you. I am trying my best eventhough you dont see any effort, trust me, im working out the documents inside my own personal private office.
Because i can never stay normal , it would never be enough for anybody.
It would never be enough for someone so extra ordinary like you.

how i wish we could be like old times, eventhough i know it won't happen.

Im sorry , but im glad we're still bestfriends. You never did give up. I guess that's just you, being great and true all the time, it was always you who taught me almst everything, it's just you, Ashiqin Hasbullah.